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DR JOHN DEMARTINI - Updated 9 months ago
Albert Einstein once said: "Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
Or, if you’re a cat and compare yourself to a fish, you may beat yourself up for not being able to swim like a fish.
In both these instances, you are less likely to honor and appreciate yourself due to comparisons or contrasts.
In other words, when you compare yourself to others and engage in self-depreciation for assuming that you are missing certain abilities or skills, you likely undermine your self-appreciation and self-value.
Instead, the key to finding genuine self-appreciation lies in embracing and honoring yourself for who you are, as you are.
Every human being, regardless of gender, age or culture lives moment by moment with a set of priorities or by their highest values.
This set of highest values is unique to you and whatever is the highest value on your list becomes the primary source of what drives you.
Whatever is HIGHEST on your value list is the action that is most important and what you are most likely to be spontaneously inspired to act upon without requiring extrinsic motivation.
As a result, when living congruently with your highest values, you tend to be most disciplined, reliable and focused. It’s also when your self-worth tends to go up and you feel most fulfilled.
As you attempt to act in ways that are lower or further down on your hierarchy of values, you tend to become more extrinsically driven and you will require an extrinsic reward in order to do it and / or a punishment if you don't, in order to get you to act.
It’s also when your self-worth tends to go down and where you tend to feel more and more unfulfilled.
In all likelihood, you have had days when you set an agenda, stuck to priority, ticked off the majority of high-priority tasks and went home feeling like you knocked it out of the ballpark.
You can also probably remember days you went home feeling frustrated and unfilled after spending your day putting out fires and actioning what other people perceived to be their high-priority tasks but that were, in fact, lower priorities relative to your highest values.
In the first instance, you likely felt on top of the world while in the second instance you likely felt like the world was on top of you. In the first instance, you likely were more resilient, adaptable, and grateful, while in the second instance, there’s a higher probability that you’ll end up beating yourself up for not completing what you thought you ought to, should complete.
You are designed to self-depreciate when you're performing lower-valued actions. And you are designed to appreciate yourself and the world when you're living by your highest priority.
Your identity revolves around what you value most, so it’s in this area that you tend to have the greatest self-worth.
You value yourself whenever you live by highest priority and don’t value yourself when you don't live by highest priority.
- If you don't fill your day with high-priority actions that inspire you, it tends to fill up with low-priority distractions that don't.
- If you don't live congruently with your highest value, you tend not to value yourself to the highest.
In other words, the first step to valuing yourself is taking command of your life and living congruently with what you value most.
What you might not know is that when you live according to your highest values or top priorities, blood, glucose, and oxygen goes into your forebrain, which is the executive center of your brain.
So, anytime you fill your day with your highest priority actions and do what is most important, meaningful, and inspiring in your life; you wake up the part of your brain that is involved in inspired vision, strategic planning, objectivity, execution of plans, and self-governance.
You are also more likely to wake up your leadership capacities because you will tend to be more effective and efficient in your actions and have more resilience and stamina in life.
On the other hand, when you fill your day with low-priority actions, the blood glucose and oxygen go into your subcortical brain which includes the amygdala.
So, instead of waking up your executive center for inspired vision, you wake up your amygdala, which deals with conditioned reflexes, and impulses seeking immediate gratification and the avoiding of pain.
As a result, you are most likely to futilely attempt to avoid challenges and seek an easy less-challenging path, while also taking on the role of follower.
Allowing your day to be filled with low-priority tasks is also when you tend to get distracted instead of focusing on what is important to you. It’s also where you may be vulnerable to outside influence. So, instead of being intrinsically driven by your highest vision, you may become extrinsically distracted by outside circumstances.
When the voice and the vision on the inside is louder and more profound than all opinions on the outside, you begin to master your life.
That's why, in my signature 2-day online program, the Breakthrough Experience, I spend time helping individuals identify their unique set of highest values.
Once you are crystal clear on your highest values, you can begin living by priority, and learn to dissolve the distractions that occupy space and time in your mind. It’s these same distractions that end up running you from the external world.
I am often asked what it is that prevents people from living by their highest value?
I've been studying values for nearly 5 decades now, and what's interesting is that whenever you compare yourself to somebody else and put them on a pedestal, you tend to minimize yourself.
For example, if you look up to them physically, you'll likely diminish your own looks. If you look up to them intellectually, you’ll likely undervalue your own intelligence.
You may also try to inject their values into your life and try to be like them, please them, and subordinate to them. What then tends to happen is that you try to live outside your own values and put yourself below others instead of being equal.
At the Breakthrough Experience, I often ask how many people want to make a difference in the world, and almost every hand goes up because most individuals have realized that what is most fulling and meaningful to them is to perceive that they’re making a difference in the world.
The question is, how likely are you to make a difference in the world by trying to fit in and become someone you’re not? It’s highly unlikely.
If you are inspired to make a difference, it's wiser to embrace your own highest values, stand firm, and chart your unique path.
Instead of following the crowd, dare to be original and make a meaningful contribution that both fulfills you and benefits others equally. That’s the path of sustainable fair exchange.
Strive for fair exchange with your fellow humans, engaging in activities you're inspired by while simultaneously serving others. By doing so, you not only fulfill your own aspirations but also leave a lasting impact on those you aim to serve.
Your true self-worth shines when you're in a state of reflective awareness where the SEER, the SEEING and the SEEN are the same. In other words, what you see out there is you.
- When you put others on pedestals, you tend to be too humble to admit what you see in them is inside you.
- When you put them in pits, you're too proud to admit what you see in them is inside you.
Both of these actions distract you from being the most magnificent you. They disempower you because you're being inauthentic.
Putting people on the pedestal or in the pit results in your creating personas and masks that you wear. These are facades instead of the authentic you, the real you. Your personas are imposters.
Trying to be someone you’re not is futile, expends needless energy, and holds you back from being the most magnificent you.
It’s wiser to give yourself permission to shine not shrink, and to live authentically instead of as an imposter.
This is key if you would love to value yourself so the world will value you in turn.
The moment you value you, so does the world. The moment you devalue you, so does the world.
Most likely you have been infatuated with somebody, put them on a pedestal, minimized yourself, and found yourself sacrificing what's important to you to do something that’s important to them because you feared losing them.
That infatuation likely made you dependent on them and juvenile in action as you tried to inject their values and attempt to be somebody you're not. That's not the wisest way to empower your life.
On the other hand, if you’re resentful and have a 'my way or the highway' type of approach where you look down on them and resent them, you’re likely to try to get them to live in your values. That too is futile.
Married couples often try and do this, and end up banging their heads against a wall and having conflict.
Instead of putting people on pedestals or in pits, it’s wiser to put them in your heart and have reflective awareness.
When you live by your highest values and live by priority, your true self-worth is maximized.
You are also most likely to become more objective and transcend judging others.
However, the moment you judge and put people on pedestals or pits, minimize or exaggerate yourself, fear the loss or gain of others, you tend to become distracted from your power and presence.
You also tend to hold yourself back from valuing yourself and being authentic in your life.
Instead, you likely end up being secondary and distracted by imposter syndrome, constantly trying to change yourself or others relative to each other.
The key lies in living authentically, valuing yourself, and being true to your own life.
When you do this, the world tends to also recognize your worth.
If you would love to value yourself and have true self-worth then you need to learn the art of synthesizing the polarities of your perceptions. It's the synthesis between these imposter syndromes, these proud and shame personas that you wear when you try to change others relative to you or yourself relative to others.
The value of so-called mistakes
When you minimize yourself, you start second-guessing and doubting your abilities, thinking that you lack what it takes.
On the other hand, when you exaggerate yourself, you tend to blame others, believing they don't measure up. Both of these mindsets are distractions.
When you think you're making a ‘mistake’, it's likely because you've injected the values of others you hold in high regard.
When you believe others to be making ‘mistakes’, it's likely because you've projected your own values onto them and expected them to live according to your standards (which emerge from your own highest values).
Neither approach works, and there are no real ‘mistakes’. Instead, it is wise to view these situations as feedback mechanisms that encourage reflective awareness, allowing you to recognize that the people around you are reflections of yourself.
Instead of putting people on pedestals or in pits, it’s wiser to put them in your heart so you’re graceful and grateful.
To sum up the key steps to valuing yourself:
- It is wise to identify your true highest values. You can do so by using the FREE online Demartini Value Determination Process available on my website. While going through the process, it is important to be honest with yourself and determine what truly matters to you. I also recommend continuously reviewing and updating your values to stay aligned with who you truly are.
- The next step is to find a way to express those values in a manner that serves others and allows for fair exchange, and to engage in activities you love and that benefit others.
- Ask yourself, "What are the highest priority actions I can take today to bring my values to life?" Stick to these high-priority actions, as they empower you the most. Prioritize your daily life accordingly, and delegate lower-priority tasks where possible.
- You deserve to be valued.
- Don't live in the shadows of others. Instead, stand on the shoulders of giants and recognize that everything you admire in others is also present within you. Let go of self-minimization and give yourself permission to shine.
- It's truly inspiring to realize that nothing is missing in you. Embrace the traits of greatness and use them as stepping stones on your journey. Amazing opportunities await when you honor and value yourself.
If you would love me to help you take powerful steps towards valuing yourself, loving yourself for who you are, and living a life of priority, congruent with your highest values, then join me at my next Breakthrough Experience Program because the day you sign up for the seminar is the day your life is about to change.
During our time together, I will teach you how to:
- Identify your highest values and prioritize your life accordingly.
- Transform your emotional baggage into fuel.
- Own all the disowned parts of yourself and embrace them fully.
- Delegate the lower-priority tasks and focus on dissolving the baggage that hinders your presence and progress.
- Give yourself permission to shine and expand instead of shrinking.
- Discover inspiration in your own journey and embrace the traits of greatness.
- Stand on the shoulders of the giants without comparing yourself or imposing unrealistic expectations on yourself or others.
- Fulfill your own inspired mission, not someone else's.
- Honor your own unique magnificence and awaken an awareness of how it far surpasses any fantasies you may impose upon yourself.
By valuing yourself and living according to your highest priorities, you can unleash the unique and impactful version of yourself.
Are you ready for the NEXT STEP?
If you’re seriously committed to your own growth, if you’re ready to make a change now and you’d love some help doing so, then book a FREE Discovery call with a member of the Demartini Team so we can take you through your mini power assessment session.
You’ll come away with a 3-step action plan and the foundation to empower your life.
Book Your TICKET for Dr Demartini's Breakthrough Experience
If you’re ready to go inwards and do the work that will clear your blockages, clarify your vision and balance your mind, then you’ve found the perfect place to start with Dr Demartini at the Breakthrough Experience.
In 2 days you’ll learn how to solve any issue you are facing, transform any emotion and reset the course of your life for greater achievement and fulfillment.
You’ll unlock your true potential and lay the groundwork to empower all 7 areas of your life.
Get ready to take your life to a whole new level of meaning and purpose.
Today is the day you step into your power and value yourself by investing in your inspired life when you sign up for Dr Demartini’s signature seminar the Breakthrough Experience:
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